The Sadness.

Day 9 of 30. Essays ” The Life of Peggy. A thirty-three year old, Kind Of Single Lady.”
Maybe I am slightly insane. I am most definitely awkward. I imagine all aspects in life with No Pants on.

The Sadness

Sometimes….sometimes there is such a deep sadness in a person and you just can’t reach them. You see the pain in their eye’s but you can’t fix it. You can not take it away. You can not help. But you feel them slipping away, out of your grasp. Slipping away from this very earth. Slipping into the scary quiet of space that is beyond your reach. Into a space with no oxygen, and you feel the need to breath air for them. You hold your breath on their thoughts and you try to reach out to bring them back, back from a lonely quiet that exists in their minds. To wipe tears away from their eye’s, to embrace them and let them feel your love for them. Hoping that will save them.

But the more that you reach, the more out of reach they become. Until their fingers slowly slip from your grasp. Until their finger tips hover….for just a second… on yours. Before you’ve lost them into their empty, quiet, doom of space and your heart aches… because you try. You try so hard to bring them back to you but you can’t and you feel as if you’ve failed them and your heart breaks with their hurt but you….just..can’t…save them.

And you are standing in an empty field on earth looking up into the sky , imagining them in their space, out there, alone. In their sadness , they have left you alone, torn, your heart broken, and tried. But you failed…

Having given you so much love. Having tried so very hard to save you from slipping so fully away that when you did…that when you left….you took the last that they had in them with you and now they are left standing, bound on earth, alone…without their hearts left to let them go on.

In your hurt, you’ve hurt the person who loved you most. Who gave themselves to save you. And you aren’t there to wipe the single tear from their face or to give them your embrace.
which you fiercely feared most…
now you are …
and alone…
you have left them…

The brightness of the sun will consume them, and you…are still alone. Broken…Breaking…in the darkness of your space.


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