Day 14 of 30. Essays ” The Life of Peggy. A thirty-three year old, Kind Of Single Lady.”
Maybe I am slightly insane. I am most definitely awkward. I imagine all aspects in life with No Pants on.
You left your underware on my bathroom floor.
You left your underware on my bathroom floor. You left without saying goodbye. I asked , through text, a question and you respond with ” I left already.” Days afterwards.
I am heartbroken, no hug. No goodbye. No closure.
Once again you just…stop. And my chest is heaving , I fight back tears in a public place . Happy Sunny Day suddenly dark cloud shrouded.
I never was a top priority, and am even less so now.
My own fault for opening myself up and allowing it. My eye’s tear up , my throat closes . I panic that I will not be able to control my cry until I can leave a suddenly so very public coffeeshop.
I am never anything to you, yet I am who you call for love, when you are lonely or even for encouragement on life , those times when you second guess yourself. When you yourself hurt. I am who you call. But again and again I won’t hear from you the next day when you’ve left my bed. Day’s, weeks may go by, then I’m called, when you so desperately need my comfort.
Always good for a minute. Never forever.
And yet, when you call again I will answer. And I will again and again each time, I always will likely. And why? I love you, is not enough reason. The yearning within me for you, the absolute happiness at sight of you . The feeling in my chest that swells at the thought of you in collaboration of the , still, butterflies in my belly that dance at just the very pondering of you. I believe that, love is a choice…but magnetic attraction and pull…just…is. And I wonder what an MRI would show when mentioned your name. They say we can read all these self help books and the pouring of articles that run through my facebook feed, and learn to find the “right love” the right way to love, the way love should be and the when to let love go. But I’ve read them all and this relationship perfect, will never be. Not fear of being alone or never finding the one or even a just can’t let you go and so I wonder if perhaps this “unconventional love” is just…as it should be. For me. For now.