Recently someone I know posed a question to her friends . Saying that though they say heartbreak was supposed to leave you with a lesson learned, she felt as if she had not learned any. I myself often find my mind wandering and pondering my own love life and heartbreaks, of which I have had plenty. I am a Libra and put myself out there to be hurt, always taking the chance and still not shielding myself from the heartbreak that is usually inevitable , so it seems.
I myself do not feel that I have necessarily learned from the heartbreaks themselves. However I can admit that after each I tend to turn focus around on myself for awhile after having given my relationship everything. In the latest year of this I take away the Lesson of not giving so much to another that you forget to give to yourself DURING the relationship. For a relationship to grow one must continue to grow themselves. Often, in my very own case, men are attracted by my constant growth, my ambition, my “have my own thing” going on all the time. My hard work and dedication, my own hobbies and interests and so when I tend to let those slip and become too involved in HIS life I lose my own and thus…myself. I have never been that person who has needed to FIND myself and so losing myself can also have me left with the lost interest of the man who was attracted to me for what I had before, going into the relationship. Now…that’s not to say I do give up completely…standing back after a break up and in some ME time I just think more clearly and see that the small things really do add up. I still read…but I do take time to spend with him…usually because they are sort of needy I find..and so then I give them the attention they need but in doing so….it’s a merry go round…they need me but love me for the person who doesn’t need them and it is hard to do both…give to them…and continue to give to myself as well. It is really such a fine balance of our dear lives and I struggle each day. I swear in my next job interview that when they ask the question “What is your greatest weakness” or “what is something you struggled to overcome and how did you do it?” I am simply going to refer to my loves and relationship’s and give them such a long story that they will have regretted asking or be ready to buy the book..either way.
So I can say that Lesson two has been learning to mold myself in this and overcome…the first step is always awareness. The second is action. I joke that J is only my latest experiment on these life lesson’s.
There are only so many hours in the day for myself and I truly wonder how my friend’s with a relationship AND children as well as a career, much less their own hobbie’s, do it. I can barely find time to read enough in a day sometimes.
So…Not losing who you are and the person that they grew attracted to to begin with. Taking ME time and not dropping your own project’s, art’s, idea’s, growth’s of life, relax time without them (or if you live with them this may be, in my case, me reading and if you dare speak to me you get The Look and God FORBID they ask “so how long are you going to be reading?”) And just not stop growing in who you are…blooming like the flower that you are and creating new seed of idea’s, art, and growth.
When in a relationship…find new hobbie’s…not for the two of you (though that of course is a grand part of it all too) but for yourself. Learn something new, read a new book, join a book club, go to the gym or whatever…but separately from your significant other at all times….and then of course, and an entirely different conversation, do the same in your growth of your relationship and with them too. Now…if only the day lasted more than twentyfour hours.
To Be Continued….