#iwritebecause #whyiwrite #Imawriter
During the month of November I am participating in NaNoWriMo.
What NaNo mean’s for me in this year has been being back from “Tahiti” in a small town atmosphere and load’s of gossip and plenty of people to face and to deal with the obvious obstacle course set before me….jobs with NO ID (Still working on that) having lost every single thing I own (including social sec card and birth cert and so forth, essentials above the shoes…but God I miss my shoes) a day job to get on my feet waiting tables (and having to reign in the Did Your Mother Drop You On Your Head look) among the loss of many friends and well…not even having a place to live when I got back. Must we even begin to speak of humiliation? Facing people has been, and still is, the worse. It’s a hard deal. But it is what it is.
On top of that it was time to make some life changes, but keep on going with a direction that I had begun years previously as far as writing and career want’s. However the business tactic I had to reevaluate, lord knows I had time to step back and give it long thought. I had a lot more learning to do on the career of writing just when you think you’ve done it all. I had previously rejected a Writer’s Platform (which any Publisher won’t even look at you without, I even ignored famous writers and Publishers advice on this years ago). And so this year has been not only learning the new, learning to take advice, learning to sometimes go against what you wanted or thought was the better way but also putting into action that entire plan on top of the day grind of making the bills and getting on one’s feet and the emotional toll that came with this year. This year has looked very much for me like sixty-plus hours on my feet a week in a restaurant (past that now thank the lords) and then dragging myself up early enough in the morning to write and work before the job and then after when I arrived home after midnight too. Any moment that I got…I worked.
Today I have the absolute amazingness of the ability to spend the month of November writing Nano and October and December in my search for not JUST a job but THE job. I have also in the meantime built on my freelance writing work which hadn’t been done too much this year (with focus being on platforms and personal writing and project building). If it hadn’t been for amazing people in my life I wouldn’t have such a great opportunity or gotten this far this year at all. It takes that on top of hard work. From help just to live and make it at time’s to even motivation to run and take care of myself to encouragement of a friend’s “You can do this. Do what you want.” And absolute humbleness has been a lesson of 2015, one that a few friends who have stuck by admitted wasn’t a bad thing for me. A life of lesson’s is what we live but to ignore them is the tragedy.
Now I am ready to write a novel, to go into a story that I could put my heart into. Not just my articles and short stories but the long one. Catch the big fish so to speak. Though only the first of many more. It began rolling in my mind through summer but I knew that in my time then I might begin and get lost in the day and forget , set it aside for too long to be able to pick back up from where I left off with the same feeling behind it and so I chose to work toward having November to take and work the novel through NaNo, It was a starting line for the race with a finish line for an idea of a deadline. The novel won’t be finished come November 30th and then there is editing to go into but it’s an idea. Basically the first draft will be at the rate I am going. I also receive great commadre from fellow NaNo Writer’s, My people, as someone once put it in a setting of writer’s they observed me in. As that person also once said ” you find your tribe.”
NaNo is encouragement, it was a place to focus toward having the ability to set that time aside to not even work and just write. To really put my mind in focus on the one thing. And …oh…it has made a huge difference. My story flows. I had rolled the idea and concept of it…letting it take shape in my mind over summer but upon sitting down and letting it slip from my fingers to black upon white the story took it’s own shape…it has taken twists and turns that make me sit back and ponder “how do I feel about that?” I take a walk to stretch from long sit’s and think about the last bit I wrote and where the next is taking me. I go on a run and completely clear my mind of thinking about it altogether. A clean sheet of paper…a clean chalk board, a blank canvas when I come back. And then, finger’s to key’s I write again and the story comes…the question that lingered where I left it are answered from somewhere within and….I am loving this experience.
I have come to places in my story that had me stop and think “oh no…too controversial…that doesn’t get written about” and I would catch my over care of societies’s brain washing and think Fuck. That. Shit. I have been very surprised at the direction my story has taken me but very pleased as well. I feel that my target audience really are the Me’s in the world. That 25-50 year old woman. The women who made it through those moment’s life throw’s at you that have you questioning “How?”
Not only does Nano give me growth in my writing but growth in my spirit, and also my strength. This…is why I write.