I am exhausted. I learned two days ago that Joe’s work trip out this time was shifted in schedule (and boat) so he was coming home a week earlier than planned but then only in one week rather than two. Which means two days to go from sitting to moving NOW. This had me needing to change plans and arrange our schedule and traveling to fit into this. Obviously I cut some of it short but I had to find the next spot that I would stay for a month when he was out again (I don’t often travel and move about on my own during that time, plus the traveling and fun of it is for the both of us together while I get the chance to spend more time in one location and enjoy it a bit longer. I take this time to enjoy visiting bookstores and libraries and coffeeshops and museums and gardens and attend art and literary events and more. I’ve seen more shows and events than Joe has gotten the chance to, but often they are the kind of thing that he isn’t totally in to so it often works out. Sometimes we both miss a favorite concert by a day and a state and just couldn’t make it in our time line. That always sucks when we are so close…but so far.
Right now I just need a nap so bad but I have sat for the past couple of weeks and my bikes need cleaning up and all of the patio stuff needs putting away and my in-process redecoration needs to be somewhat reassembled for movement and also not get ruined…all of which is stressing me out right now. George is also in ultra shed mode and recently fleas were a battle regardless of precautions so extra laundry and cleaning has already been being done and I always keep a clean home and yet somehow I swear it looks like hell today. So deep clean it is. And how have I been doing so much laundry and seem to still have so much more to do? Why won’t the dishes STOP when it is one person and somehow the sink just keeps filling up…and I haven’t even eaten a meal today! I swear…
So I have been screwing cabinets back onto hinges and moving stuff and hiding the not needed out (tools I had out mostly) and all my stacks of books get hidden away (I am pretty sure Joe doesn’t even have a clue how many really are on board with us) and I have swept and brushed and swept and brushed and am still chasing hair tumbleweeds across the floor.
Joe couldn’t care less what he returned home to, but I do. I also care that it is acceptable on the daily basis. And really there are rarely guests in an RV. If anything people just hang on the patio. I am also one to feel chaos when my home is in chaos. Fun since I work from home with two pets in a small space and as a writer things can quickly become chaotic. I don’t even know what the fuck happens but all of a sudden it can lookalike we exploded (which in RVing can actually happen).
I told Joe last trip that I damn near considered just taking a match to it and walking away.
I AM excited that even in my super forever taking remodel (because work is priority, vacation when Joe is home we don’t do all that, and because I am the clean of procrastination when I think of sanding anything anymore) I have actually come up with a new plan for the floor. I won’t say what it is until I an show it…but the old plan had me a little stressing out. It involved wood pallet reuse but frankly…saws aren’t my thing and finding and bringing back and lack of space and RV parks and courtesy and saws don’t all mix well. I know for the walls I won’t need saws even if it does involve wood, and for the ceiling possibly some but not too bad. For some reason the floor has just had me stressed out and tired even thinking about it. I like the idea of remodeling..I don’t actually like the doing of it. Next time Joe and I agreed that we WON’T live in and remodel at the same time…too much.
Another thing is how the big ‘fridge is back to being its summer self and not wanting to keep cool again. This is a normal issue with Nordic refrigerators but frankly three days at 60 degree (freezer working fine) and you’ve done all you can just has me pissed off when I had just stocked up on $150 of groceries. I’m done and over it. We have decided to try out the residential fridge. Joe did some great research on what works with our inverter/converter and whatever else is needed. They say residential don’t last long due to the vibrations but frankly we don’t have one working for us now so we are willing to risk it. the one we have now is worth $4,000. It works…if you like…don’t open it, and keep the top vent clear daily and have a little fan inside it and don’t over pack it and don’t overpack the freezer and also deal with freezer defrosting on the regular and never when you can plan for it. Me and this fridge have had a few choice words.
But now …what the hell do we do with this monster of a fridge? the entire try and sale on craigslist or anything is a waste of time that we don’t have. And you can’t exactly get around having an extra fridge sitting around until you do…and trying to work with schedules to have it pulled out, carried out, help in carrying it out, and capping off gas lines all makes for some tricky planning as well. I am cranky and so need a nap right now. Hold on, though, let me pour some more coffee.
There are moments when I am so over the RVing. I sorta feel adrift. It is hard to make friends. Since we stay in RV parks often we are around retired people and the only ones we might meet our age are saddled with three under the age of five kids. We aren’t really meeting “our people” very easily. There are times but it seems fleeting, never allowing any concrete on a friendship to dry. It is a little like living out of boxes in college and knowing that it is temporary. I fully feel the importance of making every place NOW. And my RV itself is. Joe is. But sometimes the town, location, and people are not. I have not yet found my place exactly in the world of travel. And in discussion we’ve had, neither in the world of settling down for a moment, either. I always keep that option in mind…stopping and staying in a location for awhile…or a long while. Maybe by RV and “small living” because really this is weirdly THAT good and comfortable and not my problem. Or in an actual house or something. But then that warrants us getting furntiure that will surely be temporary before we hit the water or feel the itch to move on. And we haven’t found the place that calls to either of us like that yet, anyway.
I really am a bit cranky today. I really could use a nap…poor Joe who has been up all night working and then did get a shift of sleep but only before 15 hours of drive time today (from boat to shop and pick up our car to ‘home’) we try and keep our distance close enough or he will fly if too far but sometimes somehow it ends up like this. Tomorrow he has to be up early to get a few needed things done and we pull up and move ship. It will be a short but very fun trip, this one. Though we have yet to have a non-fun and wonderful trip yet.
Hopefully I am not so cranky when he gets home.
Thankfully my own work is flexible usually and for the most part. I finished the only deadline that I had to wrap up the day before he learned he was changing schedules.
I might be cranky and wandering, but at the same time..I am excited for the next and the new.
I still want a nap.
I am rereading on of my Breathe Magazine Issues from Winter. They were so good! And I’ve had some trouble adjusting to time changes because with the heat I take my dog for a hike in the latest part of the day (I bike in the earliest part) and so getting back I brush him off (tick season, yay) and when brushing a black chow and doing a tick check this takes time. He thinks it is a massage. Thankfully being grain free and raw fed and black to boot he isn’t prone to much of this but I have found them attach to the fur and get in my house so I am being super diligent.
Then I need a shower and I turn on some music, usually in the evening something jazzy. And I make my dinner. I love cooking and I enjoy the art of it as well as really think about what I am eating. Nothing is microwaved and even the easiest takes some work. And then eat and then cleanup. While eating alone without Joe home I tend to read a book so that will sometimes have me shoving my empty plate to the side and continuing at my dinner table for a time. I then have the kitchen to clean. One of my biggest bad habits for a minute had been waiting to do the dishes in the morning. Now a morning habit of dishes was actually a little bit meditative to me while my water reached a boil for the french press, but I realized how much it set my day back in the long run and how chaotic my brain felt and anxiety seemed to end up being at times so so far my most successful habit breaking of 2018 has been to wake to a clean home (bathroom/cat box/trash/floor sweep/kitchen/ the whole nine yards). This has truly helped me ease the anxiety that took some time to address or even recognize and name.
Now I am trying to better build my morning routine and have that same meditative dish cleaning that while doing them, I did achieve. A morning plan does help. But, back to the night time routine. With the sun going down later, the heat high until later (and thus my furry black dog nor myself getting out in the heat until later) and dinner and showers and dishes I feel that my evening has become a little…un-ritual. And rereading this magazine as a whole helped me see that I had lost an evening ritual and needed a Summer-time one built to achieve a better sleep. I’ve been going to sleep as late as 6 in the morning and then sleeping into the day and missing out on morning bike rides and more because of it. I am not achieving much in this time, either. It takes my brain too long to quiet down and then a developed habit of not being tired until late because I slept in doesn’t help. So…back to an evening ritual and treating it as such. I love rituals. I think they are important. I think they remind us not to move through the day as zombies but to embrace it.
My evening is of nurturing now (and in winter, too) I shower to nurture after a hike in nature with my dog which nurtured. I then apply a face mask to nurture (I have been working with a good turmeric one because I tan so quickly no matter what I do with hats and sunblock and so early in the spring I needed to take action in my evenings to counter what sun my face was getting. I actually found a powdered turmeric face mask somewhere and then watched a youtube video of a woman about this subject and now am mixing the turmeric face mask with a little baking soda, lemon fresh squeezed juice and yogurt which actually also makes a better mask consistency and makes it not all flake off, and honey. I don’t use the lemon every day or the baking soda parts though as my skin is really sensitive. (Some of the idea that I have based off of is from this video here).
So now I am in my pj’s or comfy clothes (often my super soft 100% pima cotton “house pants” and some soft shirt and definitely no bra and an orange face mask and my hair tied up, cooking in the kitchen and dancing a little to the music and singing made up songs to the pets, so yeah…don’t be my neighbor is a good life suggestion. I actually have been wearing the face mask through dinner (remember I am by myself and whatever, my crazy Friday nights are usually eating in bed) after dinner and before dishes I wash my face. After the kitchen is clean and all lights are off through the house, the dog has his last outing and so forth, I make a cup of warm tea (such as chamomile) and head to bed with my book. What I am now struggling with is stopping and turning the light off at a decent time. But, I suppose little by little the habits will form that need to and the bad ones will break as I work on them. And I do. But lord when you work for yourself and have no need to leave the house sleeping in and staying up all night can really become a hard habit to break.
If I was productively being all writerly and like, writing an entire novel all night then sure, that life would be fine. But believe me, this after dinner time is far from my most productive in a day even when I do work (actually, sometimes that is not totally true but then I find myself completely unproductive the next nor can I seem to find constancy with this as I’ve allowed myself to try that out, what I found is that I was never awake in the day to actually enjoy things that could only be done in the day and while traveling, that is a must-do).
Working on my evening rituals, as all the little rituals through out my day. My morning is the hardest at the moment…what are your daily rituals?
Vacation ended today but this is always a transition day. The day when the house (#RV) suddenly becomes all too quiet. When I’ve watched Joe leave back to work for a month and even the pets look sad, when I clean, put things away not needed for another months time, and pull my books and work back out for my own month of work. I will then settle with a tea (and a puppy) and unwind…transition, read, and work on and read over and note in my schedule (basically a non-fancy BulletJournal) for the coming month and so on. The night will come and the bed suddenly empty of his presence. I love my time with him…and also alone to myself. Too much of either is never a good thing. Balance for this Libra.
But it doesn’t make him leaving any less sad and sudden, as if something great is missing, when at the same time I am beginning to crave my own time, alone, and my own rituals and schedules, but especially my work, and when this month is over, as much as I love all of my own time, my alone, my own rituals, and especially my work but I will be ready to lay it aside for rest…to step back away from my writing, to take a breath from it and clear my head but to also emerge out of the solitude I often put myself into when in work…even outside of the home. I will move from walking among people and people watching to engaging and finding my voice with others.
I move from one to the other, shift my balance and know that each, for me, is important, even when I miss the other while in one of these worlds and then that world while in the other. I suppose to some point this shows my love and my passion for what I do in life, while also for the person I most choose to spend it with, but as much as I love each, too much with no rest from either would be too much for me as well….allowing myself the chance to miss the one or the other, and to crave and look forward to allows me to appreciate it all rather than become bitter in it all.