A beach and a book….

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I am on the beach for the next few weeks. Internet is a fallacy here.
I don’t mind a damned bit.
 
So if you rarely hear from me for a moment or two….
 
Researching in libraries histories of the deep south and writing. In between walks on the beach and bike riding.
The quiet of last evening after Joe left back to work and no internet and being moved to write more is exactly what I’d been craving for my work for the summer.
I really must be careful what I ask for…though it has turned out well this time – in fact better than well and I’ve gotten quite lucky with a private place where the woods meet the beach in my searching for where to go next to write a new book, the last time I wanted to “just get away” I ended up in jail for seven months. It wasn’t exactly what I’d meant that time so this time I was a slight bit more specific in what I put into the universe.
 
Joe often says I have a sheeny magic about me in this way and calls much of what I do my potion making (I swear I only cure the sore throat). In fact, we were recently in New Orleans and in many antique shops where old doctors kits of glass vials in wooden cases that he insisted was exactly something for me.
 
The beach is so much better. My asking the universe went well this time around.
 
In another funny of our travel events…in NOLA I slipped into Faulkner Bookstore, I took up Faulkner’s Mosquito for a souvenir and to sit and read in a shaded courtyard with a coffee, which we did soon after, we had walked so much and the heat of only the month of May pounded into us like the middle of an August afternoon easily. When asking “Could it get worse?” the answer was “We haven’t even started yet”. The humidity leaving our skin with a dewey feel and after some time of exploring architecture and gardens and in and out touring buildings of good people we came across we were done for this one day of it. We could do no more. I thought a book was a good idea. Joe walked into the tiny over crowded shop which was driving me to anxiety and had long had him step back to the street while waiting for my browsing to see me purchasing the book with cash where he yelled across good naturally with the most adorable and loving look on his face “AH HA! I’ve caught you! Breaking out of Book Jail!” which was a couple of weeks away from ending (I had spent a ton on books at a few book festivals I’d hopped through in the spring so set myself on a no new book buying until June law of our home). About twenty people in a crowded place turned to see the tallest man in the room and who he was making such an exclamation toward, I laughed out loud and without embarrassment at all as the man’s hand that held my book hesitated in passing it back to me with a look of bewilderment and an unsureness of what to do upon his face. Joe and I held hands as we stepped back onto the street and headed down for coffee and beignet’s where we sat in the shade and closed out the hustle of days past and allowed our tired bodies and overwhelmed minds a rest without having to actually leave it at the same time. Because we weren’t ready to leave it.
 
There is so much more to tell of this past trip but this one burns in my mind at our jolly merriment of it.
 
#TravelingwithJoe #Nointernet #BetterForTheWriter #Unhook #Faulkner #Books #Memories #Beach #TheDeepSouth
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When I get cranky….

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I am exhausted. I learned two days ago that Joe’s work trip out this time was shifted in schedule (and boat) so he was coming home a week earlier than planned but then only in one week rather than two. Which means two days to go from sitting to moving NOW. This had me needing to change plans and arrange our schedule and traveling to fit into this. Obviously I cut some of it short but I had to find the next spot that I would stay for a month when he was out again (I don’t often travel and move about on my own during that time, plus the traveling and fun of it is for the both of us together while I get the chance to spend more time in one location and enjoy it a bit longer. I take this time to enjoy visiting bookstores and libraries and coffeeshops and museums and gardens and attend art and literary events and more. I’ve seen more shows and events than Joe has gotten the chance to, but often they are the kind of thing that he isn’t totally in to so it often works out. Sometimes we both miss a favorite concert by a day and a state and just couldn’t make it in our time line. That always sucks when we are so close…but so far. 

Right now I just need a nap so bad but I have sat for the past couple of weeks and my bikes need cleaning up and all of the patio stuff needs putting away and my in-process redecoration needs to be somewhat reassembled for movement and also not get ruined…all of which is stressing me out right now. George is also in ultra shed mode and recently fleas were a battle regardless  of precautions so extra laundry and cleaning has already been being done and I always keep a clean home and yet somehow I swear it looks like hell today. So deep clean it is. And how have I been doing so much laundry and seem to still have so much more to do? Why won’t the dishes STOP when it is one person and somehow the sink just keeps filling up…and I haven’t even eaten a meal today! I swear…

So I have been screwing cabinets back onto hinges and moving stuff and hiding the not needed out (tools I had out mostly) and all my stacks of books get hidden away (I am pretty sure Joe doesn’t even have a clue how many really are on board with us) and I have swept and brushed and swept and brushed and am still chasing hair tumbleweeds across the floor.  

Joe couldn’t care less what he returned home to, but I do. I also care that it is acceptable on the daily basis. And really there are rarely guests in an RV. If anything people just hang on the patio. I am also one to feel chaos when my home is in chaos. Fun since I work from home with two pets in a small space and as a writer things can quickly become chaotic. I don’t even know what the fuck happens but all of a sudden it can lookalike we exploded (which in RVing can actually happen). 

I told Joe last trip that I damn near considered just taking a match to it and walking away. 

I AM excited that even in my super forever taking remodel (because work is priority, vacation when Joe is home we don’t do all that, and because I am the clean of procrastination when I think of sanding anything anymore) I have actually come up with a new plan for the floor. I won’t say what it is until I an show it…but the old plan had me a little stressing out. It involved wood pallet reuse but frankly…saws aren’t my thing and finding and bringing back and lack of space and RV parks and courtesy and saws don’t all mix well. I know for the walls I won’t need saws even if it does involve wood, and for the ceiling possibly some but not too bad. For some reason the floor has just had me stressed out and tired even thinking about it. I like the idea of remodeling..I don’t actually like the doing of it. Next time Joe and I agreed that we WON’T live in and remodel at the same time…too much. 

Another thing is how the big ‘fridge is back to being its summer self and not wanting to keep cool  again. This is a normal issue with Nordic refrigerators but frankly three days at 60 degree (freezer working fine) and you’ve done all you can just has me pissed off when I had just stocked up on $150 of groceries. I’m done and over it. We have decided to try out the residential fridge. Joe did some great research on what works with our inverter/converter and whatever else is needed. They say residential don’t last long due to the vibrations but frankly we don’t have one working for us now so we are willing to risk it. the one we have now is worth $4,000. It works…if you like…don’t open it, and keep the top vent clear daily and have a little fan inside it and don’t over pack it and don’t overpack the freezer and also deal with freezer defrosting on the regular and never when you can plan for it. Me and this fridge have had a few choice words. 

But now  …what the hell do we do with this monster of a fridge? the entire try and sale on craigslist or anything is a waste of time that we don’t have. And you can’t exactly get around having an extra fridge sitting around until you do…and trying to work with schedules to have it pulled out, carried out, help in carrying it out, and capping off gas lines all makes for some tricky planning as well. I am cranky and so need a nap right now. Hold on, though, let me pour some more coffee. 

There are moments when I am so over the RVing. I sorta feel adrift. It is hard to make friends. Since we stay in RV parks often we are around retired people and the only ones we might meet our age are saddled with three under the age of five kids. We aren’t really meeting “our people” very easily. There are times but it seems fleeting, never allowing any concrete on a friendship to dry. It is a little like living out of boxes in college and knowing that it is temporary. I fully feel the importance of making every place NOW. And my RV itself is. Joe is. But sometimes the town, location, and people are not. I have not yet found my place exactly in the world of travel. And in discussion we’ve had, neither in the world of settling down for a moment, either. I always keep that option in mind…stopping and staying in a location for awhile…or a long while. Maybe by RV and “small living” because really this is weirdly THAT good and comfortable and not my problem. Or in an actual house or something. But then that warrants us getting furntiure that will surely be temporary before we hit the water or feel the itch to move on. And we haven’t found the place that calls to either of us like that yet, anyway. 

I really am a bit cranky today. I really could use a nap…poor Joe who has been up all night working and then did get a shift of sleep but only before 15 hours of drive time today (from boat to shop and pick up our car to ‘home’) we try and keep our distance close enough or he will fly if too far but sometimes somehow it ends up like this. Tomorrow he has to be up early to get a few needed things done and we pull up and move ship. It will be a short but very fun trip, this one. Though we have yet to have a non-fun and wonderful trip yet. 

Hopefully I am not so cranky when he gets home. 

Thankfully my own work is flexible usually and for the most part. I finished the only deadline that I had to wrap up the day before he learned he was changing schedules. 

I might be cranky and wandering, but at the same time..I am excited for the next and the new. 

I still want a nap. 

Rituals.

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I am rereading on of my Breathe Magazine Issues from Winter. They were so good! And I’ve had some trouble adjusting to time changes because with the heat I take my dog for a hike in the latest part of the day (I bike in the earliest part) and so getting back I brush him off (tick season, yay) and when brushing a black chow and doing a tick check this takes time. He thinks it is a massage. Thankfully being grain free and raw fed and black to boot he isn’t prone to much of this but I have found them attach to the fur and get in my house so I am being super diligent. 

Then I need a shower and I turn on some music, usually in the evening something jazzy. And I make my dinner. I love cooking and I enjoy the art of it as well as really think about what I am eating. Nothing is microwaved and even the easiest takes some work. And then eat and then cleanup. While eating alone without Joe home I tend to read a book so that will sometimes have me shoving my empty plate to the side and continuing at my dinner table for a time. I then have the kitchen to clean. One of my biggest bad habits for a minute had been waiting to do the dishes in the morning. Now a morning habit of dishes was actually a little bit meditative to me while my water reached a boil for the french press, but I realized how much it set my day back in the long run and how chaotic my brain felt and anxiety seemed to end up being at times so so far my most successful habit breaking of 2018 has been to wake to a clean home (bathroom/cat box/trash/floor sweep/kitchen/ the whole nine yards). This has truly helped me ease the anxiety that took some time to address or even recognize and name. 

Now I am trying to better build my morning routine and have that same meditative dish cleaning that while doing them, I did achieve. A morning plan does help. But, back to the night time routine. With the sun going down later, the heat high until later (and thus my furry black dog nor myself getting out in the heat until later) and dinner and showers and dishes I feel that my evening has become a little…un-ritual. And rereading this magazine as a whole helped me see that I had lost an evening ritual and needed a Summer-time one built to achieve a better sleep. I’ve been going to sleep as late as 6 in the morning and then sleeping into the day and missing out on morning bike rides and more because of it. I am not achieving much in this time, either. It takes my brain too long to quiet down and then a developed habit of not being tired until late because I slept in doesn’t help. So…back to an evening ritual and treating it as such. I love rituals. I think they are important. I think they remind us not to move through the day as zombies but to embrace it.

My evening is of nurturing now (and in winter, too) I shower to nurture after a hike in nature with my dog which nurtured. I then apply a face mask to nurture (I have been working with a good turmeric one because I tan so quickly no matter what I do with hats and sunblock and so early in the spring I needed to take action in my evenings to counter what sun my face was getting. I actually found a powdered turmeric face mask somewhere and then watched a youtube video of a woman about this subject and now am mixing the turmeric face mask with a little baking soda, lemon fresh squeezed juice and yogurt which actually also makes a better mask consistency and makes it not all flake off, and honey. I don’t use the lemon every day or the baking soda parts though as my skin is really sensitive. (Some of the idea that I have based off of is from this video here).

So now I am in my pj’s or comfy clothes (often my super soft 100% pima cotton “house pants” and some soft shirt and definitely no bra and an orange face mask and my hair tied up, cooking in the kitchen and dancing a little to the music and singing made up songs to the pets, so yeah…don’t be my neighbor is a good life suggestion. I actually have been wearing the face mask through dinner (remember I am by myself and whatever, my crazy Friday nights are usually eating in bed) after dinner and before dishes I wash my face. After the kitchen is clean and all lights are off through the house, the dog has his last outing and so forth, I make a cup of warm tea (such as chamomile) and head to bed with my book. What I am now struggling with is stopping and turning the light off at a decent time. But, I suppose little by little the habits will form that need to and the bad ones will break as I work on them. And I do. But lord when you work for yourself and have no need to leave the house sleeping in and staying up all night can really become a hard habit to break.

If I was productively being all writerly and like, writing an entire novel all night then sure, that life would be fine. But believe me, this after dinner time is far from my most productive in a day even when I do work (actually, sometimes that is not totally true but then I find myself completely unproductive the next nor can I seem to find constancy with this as I’ve allowed myself to try that out, what I found is that I was never awake in the day to actually enjoy things that could only be done in the day and while traveling, that is a must-do). 

Working on my evening rituals, as all the little rituals through out my day. My morning is the hardest at the moment…what are your daily rituals?

Transition. Living Two Lives.

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Vacation ended today but this is always a transition day. The day when the house (#RV) suddenly becomes all too quiet. When I’ve watched Joe leave back to work for a month and even the pets look sad, when I clean, put things away not needed for another months time, and pull my books and work back out for my own month of work. I will then settle with a tea (and a puppy) and unwind…transition, read, and work on and read over and note in my schedule (basically a non-fancy BulletJournal) for the coming month and so on. The night will come and the bed suddenly empty of his presence. I love my time with him…and also alone to myself. Too much of either is never a good thing. Balance for this Libra.

But it doesn’t make him leaving any less sad and sudden, as if something great is missing, when at the same time I am beginning to crave my own time, alone, and my own rituals and schedules, but especially my work, and when this month is over, as much as I love all of my own time, my alone, my own rituals, and especially my work but I will be ready to lay it aside for rest…to step back away from my writing, to take a breath from it and clear my head but to also emerge out of the solitude I often put myself into when in work…even outside of the home. I will move from walking among people and people watching to engaging and finding my voice with others.

I move from one to the other, shift my balance and know that each, for me, is important, even when I miss the other while in one of these worlds and then that world while in the other. I suppose to some point this shows my love and my passion for what I do in life, while also for the person I most choose to spend it with, but as much as I love each, too much with no rest from either would be too much for me as well….allowing myself the chance to miss the one or the other, and to crave and look forward to allows me to appreciate it all rather than become bitter in it all.

#meditation in my #freewriting #Work #Writer #vacation #vacationover#backtowork #balanceinlife

Kids, population, and saving the plant.

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(My 4th birthday)

A friend  shared this film with me on not having kids to save the planet  and this was my commentary on the subject:

Thanks C, I don’t want kids. but it isn’t for this reason. However, I don’t think that it is a bad reason and combined for all of those who don’t have them do help stave off the over-population that, regardless, we still have. Can you imagine if all the people who could be having 2.5 kids were having 2.5 kids? Lord. At the same time, I am not mad at those with 3 or more children, either. As long as they are planned, thought through, supported financially and emotionally and not poor and on welfare their entire lives, of course, as some just keep on having kids when they shouldn’t and frankly…can’t care for them in any of the ways they could offer or should. Between the kids in foster care, parents who can’t support them, and as example, my mother who had nine and never had the financial means OR the love and support to give who simply should not have any kids at all, much less multiple. 

Honestly, before aged 30, I thought I wanted kids. I did my best to have them even. I was married and every time I bled each month was a tear to my soul of womanhood. A failure. And then (thank God I didn’t have them) when divorce came we had been in the adoption process and I thought “I am woman! I can do this on my own!” My mother gave me good advice (a rare good moment with her) that said “I don’t regret any of you, but had I made it to 30 without kids I would have kept going. And Peg, you aren’t striving to find and define yourself and your life, you truly HAVE a pretty set definition of who and what you want, and kids don’t really fit in that, you would be changing your life entirely for them.” And she was right. This was right before 30 and give a little more time and 30’s came I realized that I was wanting kids because #1. I’d get too old not to have them by age 31 (basically the thought when you are in your 20’s) and then #2. I’d regret not having them, #3, because everyone asks me when I am having them. #4. Because I’d make smart and cute kids. #5. Because I could be a better mom than my mom was #6. Because society and this is what a woman does. But as more time went by I would look at my friends all having kids and realize “That is not what I want. Their life isn’t what I want. And I really am set in my life, my ways.” Kids are cool. I don’t dislike kids at all. I strive to mentor kids who needs it in life (because kids need mentors outside of good parents, and because too many don’t have mentors in their parents at all). But I now don’t even have the little dance your ovaries do when you are in your 20’s when you see families looking so adorable and loving and think “I want that”. Having come from a hard childhood and a broken family, what I also had hungered for was creating the family I had missed. But I also learned and realized that I can’t live vicariously through my own children and that I can still, as an adult, create my family, my home, surround myself with a lot of love…without having children to do so. Children aren’t there to love you, fix your childhood, or be loved by you. If you have love to give…give it in a lot of ways. To be loved, BE loved and surround yourself with the right people and community to do so. Kids aren’t there to fill a void. And kids aren’t there to fix the woes of your own childhood. So a lot of reasons that a lot of people, myself included, THOUGHT that they wanted to have kids…are having kids for all the wrong reasons. 

Another big reason not to have them, in my case, is that lingering thought of “Will I regret not having them?” Well, life IS regrets, but putting that weight on a  kid that they might be a regret if you DID have them is also pretty tough. Or the “I had you just because I didn’t want to regret not having you” pretty lame. 

Then, society. Lord, even straight going THROUGH divorce people harp on a young woman about when is she having kids. The pressure is REAL. And you realize that society does truly breed you to believe this is your job and that you are a failure, or that something is wrong with you for not having them. Now being not-married, 36 years old, and no kids…owning a cat has society putting pressure on you, or more at my age, just giving up with a look of disappointment. But…at some point in a  woman’s life you also don’t give two fucks about society anymore and their thoughts. You learn to do you. And guess what? THAT is something that I would never regret having, and would regret NOT having in my life. No doubts. 

I am not saying that life wouldn’t be grand had I had kids. First of all, I am an incredibly adaptable person. In today’s logical world I would likely need to co-parent and life would not be some big happy story. I would likely not be the greatest mom.I would for sure make a lot of mistakes. And my own childhood wouldn’t be fixed though this child but actually likely cause problems for this child. Because we are human and no matter how well we grow up and cope with the bad in our past, we still cope, and humans project on other humans. You can’t run away from some things. And it isn’t to say that I WOULD have ruined a child, either. I might just be the worlds best damn mom…and in the end a kid is going to grow up feeling loved or not, feeling supported or not, and being stable or not, and being a good person or not, and being successful in all life or not and in the end that is up to that little to grown human and has nothing to do with you as much as it has everything to do with you. Kids are built to rebel against their parents at some point and to a point. As Adam and Eve were Built to rebel against God’s one request (if you believe/live by the god line of life). So I could be the worst parent with the best kid or visa versa. Or just break even in human society in this day and age. 

And, parents also can’t have kids with all of those thoughts, either. They can only do what they want and what they feel is best and live through it and what happens happens. 

But, having kids because you think you should or for all of the wrong reasons is what the majority of society does. I mean, breeding is a part of our make-up. But it certainly is no longer a need. If this was God’s plan, it was cruel and broken and a game meant to be lost to begin with, if it wasn’t what he planned then he isn’t the great god people think him to be. And what if humans don’t survive because we don’t breed? What loss do we truly have then? Heck, we aren’t going to survive over a lot of what we do long before a dying population could ever be a possibility. Legacy…it holds too much of a spot on a pedestal and it does no good for anybody ever. YOU won’t know when the world ends…or you might, and whatever. Who cares at that point. Will you be standing there thinking “Damn, I shoulda had kids”? 

Now, I am 36 and love my life and am comfortable with my decision (before it’s even “too late”) and I have no qualms toward those who do have kids (except those who obviously just shouldn’t sometimes) and no qualms toward my friends with kids, except that it often causes friendships to change, even loss, and I don’t see all of them but a rare few being truly happy either way. I have un-happy in life no-kid friends just as much as with-kid friends. It isn’t the kids at that point, but the individual. A kid wouldn’t make the no-kid ones happy and visa versa. 

As far as population goes…sure, we have a lot, but we had world hunger when we didn’t have a lot. Six million were killed only a handful of decades ago to cleanse the earth of many humans and it didn’t stop the world hunger or balance out a thing. There have been famine and disease which has wiped out millions and war which has wiped out millions over time and hunger and disease on a daily basis and simply…death. And even the inability to HAVE children to begin with which is much larger scale than people realize (FYI, I could with science these days, invetro, but choose not to. I can’t naturally, and even then it’s not 100% that I could carry full-term). And there hasn’t been found a balance through much of it…and there is a balance in all of that to some point. I mean, imagine if people didn’t die on top of all the births, and if life were longer, too? Talk about over-population we would have then. Not saying that striving to fight disease and killings isn’t the right thing to do, as it is, and somehow balance will still be as it is…balanced, or not. Not having kids to “save the planet” is as dumb a reason as having them because society pressure to do so. There is a LOT we can do to save the planet which most of these non-kid having people aren’t suddenly going out and doing. Not having a kid for that reason I think is a load of horse-shit for the most part…while they sip their plastic bottled water through a straw as they tell you about their selflessness in saving the world. 

In the end…you do you. 

But also don’t pretend it’s a selfless act either way. 

Accountability.

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Question for the Writer and work from home/self-business/employed/whatever’s.
 
How do you hold yourself accountable in your work? And in your work/life balance?
 
From waking up on a schedule, to not wasting time in a day, to getting the work you need to accomplished, to giving yourself the quality time with friends/family/exercise/outdoors/selfcare that is needed for a human? To being sure you get a paycheck/your business thrives?
 
What are your rituals? Rules?
 
Feel free to add your all here.

Off he goes.

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Off Joe goes for another month. Two weeks that flew by too quickly. Yet, lord am I not a person who lives on their own best? lol It happens. We get the chance to miss each other…and chance to remember our unconventional lives work amazing and time apart allows an ability to be together. 

In our two weeks we are often pretty tied to the hip, though, if normal everyday life together with no being apart for a month at a time we would each have our own things to go off and do…or I’d be begging his friends to come and take him for a time I am sure. If not have moments of fully disappearing myself.

Relationships. Living together. Living apart. Long distance of a sort. I am a person who enjoys my own space but I dearly love Joe and my time with him…just being near him. A balance, perhaps, of both.

We don’t spend too much time in our small living quarters of the RV so that doesn’t truly affect us too much…I mean, there is tripping over the dog (who also likes to lay against the bathroom door when we are in there, as if the ancient guard dog of the Chow Chow in him enters the picture giving him instinct to protect us…but truly he only blocks us in with his 100 pound body of dead weight and no matter how much you might “accidentally” tap him with the door he won’t move. Joe he doesn’t listen to very much (this is a lesson on both of their parts, more man than pup, however-any ex-military dog trainers out there who are good at training the owner when the pup is perfectly an easy to train pup?) but George listens to me very well…a rare occurrence when he tries to be defiant. And sometimes still with people over. But we don’t have that too much so exposure and work are key. So usually a simple word has him moving. Otherwise the small living of the RV grows quite large when it comes to being past the sipping coffee, reading a book lounging, or in bed together moments. Even the kitchen time doesn’t bother me (dog trained to sit outside of it-boyfriend, too, unless he’s cooking or helping). Much time is spent hiking, exploring inside and outside of cities, in urban area and nature alike. With and without the dog at times. Though, with the new jeep we should be more with dog…once the jeep is fixed as it broke on it’s first leg. Not unexpected. We bought for the frame and style and ability – rare type and the kind of on the list to add to Joe’s collection – if we were retiring the jag for some time in storage or with a friend we were not only going for necessity but for want.

I’ll be happy when our fast growing pup can once again fit in our actual driving vehicle with which we jet off to explorations and adventure while the large RV stays put in a location only moving at a more snails pace from point A to point B while the driving vehicle allows us to practically create a circle of sorts on daily (or longer) jaunts from that source.

A busy trip we had. It is spring-time. Much was accomplished and yet I swear my To-Do list for the RV didn’t get a glance. Oh well. Next time. And my month will be busy. We have some wiring work to do…not my forte, but ripping out the walls to make it forced is.

George has seemed to have two weeks of being a fucking teenager which reminds me afresh never to allow my ovaries to produce something that becomes a teenager.

With Spring comes herbs and my RV garden is starting. In travel motion plants. Eventually my kitchen window will be a kitchen garden, my desk a working clean and crisp garden (think bonsai and succulents) and the outdoor area we always set up…an extended living room with grill and lights and furnishings and yoga in the outdoors and now plants as well.

We shall see if I learn to be a better green thumb. I use herbs and fresh as well so much in tea’s and cooking that I’d really love to have my own. And the plants make me happy.

I tried having Joe breath them in and he’s just lie “ok” and me….I am like…”Don’t you just LOVE that smell?”

The differences of a Libra artist and an Aquarius builder brains and souls I suppose. Spring. New growth. New beginnings. It just fucking smells good.

We had more of a “get it done” trip but we still managed a lot of fun. It can be exhausting, though. And the days fly so quickly you aren’t even sure what you ate for dinner yesterday.

Speaking of eating, and herbs, my poor Joe got a lovely case of food poisoning yesterday…a day before a long drive back to the boat. I ate the same things but have been fine.  Now…that is a time when an RV can get a little too small. Thankful for nice weather and my outside living room then. I made him some oolong tea’s with fresh (from the plant he scoffed at) peppermint and also added in a double punch with my dried peppermint and instantly he started feeling better. I fell asleep for a nap with book in hand and woke to find him trying to eat cashews! No no no buddy…here…have the saltines.

A man turns into a big baby real fast when his tummy hurts, letmetellyou.

My month ahead shifts from vacation to work again. Not only the writing, the platform, the marketing, the study, the events, the industry of it all but also finishing painting of cabinets, new flooring and other various RV works as allowed by time…and money. I will also explore Spring Time in the area I am in. There are gardens blooming (various beautiful ones to visit) museums, literary events and more. Hiking daily with my pup and my own working out/yoga because dammit mid-thirties. Travel plans for the next stops with several particular look-for’s (we are looking for a building for a warehouse and eventual build out-too many vehicles among other things spread out across the states that need storing, boats and vehicles that are projects that need working, we’ve decided that we need a location to allow us this…think Coastal, but share your ideas) I’ll be busy busy.

But, as usual, the moment my very silent guy leaves, the home becomes all too quiet in it’s adjustment. The pup watches for his master to return. I return to making my own coffee.

No such thing as too much whiskey. Pass the Maker’s.

Some days in vacation happen where you spend a few of them working. That has been this vacation. It’s not a bad thing. More work than no work is nothing to complain about and I always have enough work to fill the days and not enough days for the work I have. I always do a couple of hours or touch on it daily during vacations, especially emails or whatnot that I need to keep up with. But I think I might need an adult badge for this. I did get an adult drink for it at least.

We love big dogs until we realize they don’t fit in most vehicles. Even trucks run out of room for them.

Jeeps are fun when they aren’t broken.

And our puppy is well trained until moments when we are reminded that he is still a puppy. It can be hard to remember that 100 pound dogs are really still in-training babies being exposed to new things and changes which can upset. And that new things mean all new training THROUGH those things because they are still learning. Not to mention phases they go through, he won’t be neutered until about 1 yr, plus teething, parvo, and other things he’s gone through that throw pups out of whack on occasion. He’s been especially out of whack this trip. Yesterday I grabbed Joe and left the house with a “Love ya George, but mama needs a drink.” I swear to god he was being such a mix of toddler and teenager yesterday.

At least with a dog you can leave them for a few hours and go while with kids it is frowned upon. He had the cat babysitting but I am pretty sure that’s a no-go in the real-child world.

I could see me giving that explanation now “Well, his babysitter, Sasha, was there, of course.”

Two weeks is not enough time sometimes but too much more would result in a disappearance.

And not a damned thing goes as planned…..

We’ve only cooked (and together one meal) once this entire trip.

This basically sums up this vacation.

Not entirely. Actually it has been a good one. Successful on some realms. Joe and I needed to accomplish some things…we are about half way there. Maybe.

Thankfully able to have a “it is what it is” attitude about the whole thing.

Best thing one can do is enjoy the less stressful moments, not stress about the stuff out of hand, call the tow-truck and just throw money at it, and an old fashioned on the side of that sure doesn’t hurt. Heck, yesterday we had shots of whiskey while shopping for clothes. Don’t ask…just know that I don’t mind shopping in these nice new gentlemen clothing/supplies/leather everything stores. Women stores should serve more cocktails. Take note. I think the only time we get alcohol is the champaign served while wedding dress shopping. And that ain’t happening. I’d like a dirty martini with my Spring dress shopping thankyouverymuch.

We did buy the most comfy white lounge pants for Joe and then after decided to buy a second pair for myself. We are both no pants at home kind of people except when not living in a high up loft but rather an RV where your neighbors can see in much easier and your dog and can’t just love pulling back the big windshield curtain for a full view, we, put on comfy at-home pants. I mean…no one needs to see Joe’s asscrack or anything and lord knows I don’t mind him wearing pants for that reason. I actually prefer pants…just comfy ones. But I found the most lovely soft 100% pima cotton 400 thread count made in the U.S.A. lounge pant and knowing Joe needed new Spring/Summer house pants, grabbed them up, then one for myself because….awesome. I then teased that we had our first matching outfits. To which Joe says he refuses to wear his when I am wearing mine. I now plan to wear mine ALL THE TIME.

Joe and I got to meet up with his best friend, ex-roommate, whom I call “the other g/f”, and his g/f. I had someone who understood what it was like to live with Joe. A little partner fun and jokes for the evening. My poor guy. I am far from the easiest myself. I am sure the image to his best friend of his Navy-Veteran gun-loving  easy going laid back Aquarius buddy living in harmony with a Jewish Liberal Feminist big on politics highly opinionated Libra who is a writer and bossy as fuck has him still siding with his best friend in all things, though. I far from blame him. But…those glow sticks. We don’t get to meet up with too many old friends from the island so that was really nice.

Funny enough, that morning over breakfast we had a conversation of me actually telling him how amazing and rock steady and ‘even’ he is and discussing his personality matched with my artistic writers self. That two of the same people have perhaps worked for others, but not at all for myself and that we both agree the opposites that we are really match just right. I believe words were spoken of “Why didn’t I ever do this before?” in dating the non-artistic kind. The kind not so wrapped up in himself there is no room for you and the kind who needs constant validation from you (he does like a good cuddle, my big kitten) and all others as well. Who has his own life as well and doesn’t build around mine, nor wrap mine around his. But really it’s that he also knows who he is, isn’t needy of validation. Doesn’t give a fuck what people think and is the utmost emotionally supportive of all things I do. Especially my writing. Also, he just isn’t a whiney bitch which is something I am just not real nice about. I know there was a lot more to the convo but it might not be every day that I actually tell him how much I appreciate him. We also say it takes no heart and two war tours to happen to handle me. (The joke is that Joe has no heart…but really that guy is a big ol’ kitten, trust me.)

By dinner I was giving him hell with his ex-roommate who about what life with Joe can be like. I don’t even think that my writer’s story telling exaggerated at all. I do thank god every day that Joe isn’t the writer telling stories about what it is like living with me. I always said I wouldn’t date a writer just for these reasons, especially as a memoirist myself. Although I’ve dated two. And married/divorced one of them. I also didn’t bring up politics once. See? I am doing vacation right. (I admit, I have followed the news a little bit. And for fucks Christs sakes that shit. Joe and I had a convo about a friend of his who is a journalist I read a lot and admire greatly…for years before knowing they were old Navy buddies. I just found out about it. We had a talk about why I would make a bad journalist, degree in it or not. Heck…it’s where my start rests but I just can’t even in this bullshit…not in doing my job as a journalist and leaving out my bias and opinion at least. I think that is why Dan Rather inputs his now, he’s had so many years of it and is at an age and time where he just doesn’t give a fuck not to. Of course he’s changed his career to a position to be able to do this as well. I can barely go one dinner without inputting mine. But I did manage without actually even trying…it was actually a nice break.But I haven’t really waited to be a crazy old lady who didn’t give two fucks…I started pretty young in that.)

But, even with the business and the adulating and the plans not going as planned or things going all too smooth right before something breaks and a LOT of driving, Joe and I ended up having a good vacation which still has a few days left with another day apart in it and has gone all too quickly.

(To explain, Joe’s had to do a lot of out of town day trips for various reasons which isn’t something we’ve been able to take the pup due mostly to vehicle situations so I have stayed home. The jeep is to solve this problem but the jeep has been mainly the reason for these trips to pick it up, breaking down, and getting it towed to the shop. And not exactly in access or up and going just yet. As well as he’s had some work related renewals. And did anything go as smoothly as planned? ‘course not.)

I had to make my own coffee today. Sigh. But I write this while wearing my new comfy lounge pants.

We have managed some major good food this trip, hiking, movies, and just having fun. Including grilling with dialog along the lines of,

“Are you doing it right?”

“It isn’t getting hot.”

“It just went dead.”

“That isn’t enough, you need more.”

“It’s not doing anything.”

If the neighbor wasn’t there grilling with us, that conversation could be taken for other things.

….But did end in eating hamburgers actually cooked and of which we haven’t died from. Our first Spring good ol’ American grilling.

We went into bookstores with me saying “I really have so many…I won’t get any, just look.” And walking out with $80 of print.

We have laughed a LOT together.

And Joe has again often been surprised that I am totally ok with some odd opportunity that he has while I am often surprised when he includes me so fully in the decisions for them. He says “I care what you think. We are together. I will include you.” While often telling me “Well you would do what you want anyway. Would you actually listen if I said no?” to me. He often jokes that telling me no would be useless. Yeah…probably.

None of the RVing has gone to plan yet at all. But not a second of it has been bad or regretted. We actually are about to hit into high gear of travels and a whole other leg of RVing and American Roads travel for which we are excited. And in the process and a part of it this year, in search of the boat project (or two actually).

But for today I am slipping into some work getting done while on vacation until Joe is back tonight or tomorrow morning and I know I talked like an alcoholic in this piece, especially for someone who doesn’t drink but rarely, but as I said to George, sometimes mama needs a drink, and adulting is girl scout cookies and an old fashioned. I am pretty sure that is written in the books. If not, I’ll just write that book.

Fuck it, it IS vacation…*pours the whiskey into the coffee*.

 

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(When aunts send sweaters)

Vacation. News off.

As much as I hate to, I think during this vacation, I am turning off the electronics and the news. Frankly keeping up is a bit…hectic. If the nukes hit I won’t be here to read it on the front page anyway. DeVos will be a useless overpaid bitch when I get back and Trump a useless piece of shit treasonist liar among all else I could call him…none of which is suitable for president, when I get back. Hopefully, no other unarmed black man is beaten or shot or framed or jailed innocently, and no other school or church or concert or otherwise shot up by some legally owning gun wielding crazy nut-job racist white male. Or otherwise. While I am gone. Votes are in, and other of what I can actually do is done for now.
I am not pretending it doesn’t exist or turning a blind eye or not caring. I will be reading things I get on my Nook, or even hard copy, just not keeping up with five hundred news aspects online. Per. Day.
 
 
I will be enjoying art from multiple cultures. Especially a Mexican artworks in New Orleans and Mexican history of New Orleans. I will be enjoying amazing foods and conversation with my best friend. I will be working on the reconstruction of my home in progress. I will be hiking in nature with my partner and my dog. I will stare out of the giant windshield of my moving home feeling like a turtle as we drive through the roads of America and remember the faces of the sweet cows that are here.
I will be reading books lazily on sunny afternoons and then napping intertwined with my handsome. I will be grilling dinner on our grill and then sitting around the fire by night with a glass of wine talking with Joe about our futures and our travels and our plans for life. I will sit outside at a table with my notebook and pen and sipping my coffee writing freely with no agenda in the quiet broken only by the birds of the morning. We will make a hot breakfast outdoors. Bacon sizzling more for smell than taste. I will be treasure hunting through antique shops of multiple towns, passing by what I just can’t take on board the RV for now and looking for what is just perfect (currently a mid-century bar I am building in for bar/tea/coffee/breakfast station especially). I will remind Joe to drink more water than he will and I will be reminded I need a snack in the afternoon and my coffee will be made for me first thing when he wakes every morning. I am not sure if this is love as much as survival tactic.
We will bike ride every day, starting with just a five-mile ride to ease Joe back into it after a month away but we have plans to see murals, artworks, architecture, nature, and bird sanctuaries among other adventures of our rides. Historic and abandoned places. Our camera’s in hand. Enjoying conversation during coffee shop stops along the way.Often ending up 40 miles away and racing home to beat the dark. I will be standing in crowds among others with eye’s closed and face toward stage and listening to the rhythms in my chest pound. I will laugh while bathing the dog and spraying Joe with the water hose and then quickly regretting when I end up the most drenched of them all, while Joe hands me a towel and a lemonade….or something stronger. While we sit on the camping chairs outside in my little outside traveling “yard/outside living room”.
I will stretch my arms to the sky in mornings for yoga, feet planted firm on my mat, listening to the breath of my partner beside me.
I will buy more books to add to my still-to-be-read-pile.
I will explore museums and galleries and art among the wild were ever I go, made of wood and stone and oil and of Earth.
I will catch up on pleasurable reading that still somehow involves my work…but I will only be driven and touched to sit and work on my own writing straight from the heart…the deeply buried soul. This spring I will not pass by one bird or one flower or blooming tree without pausing in awe. I will remember to take nothing for granted…his hand holding mine, the soar of a blue heron, the feeling of warmth of sun on my face but the coolness still of spring in the air, a time to pause.
We will play music from my kitchen playlist and cook new recipes…he always helps, always asks, always wants to when I cook with my deep and determined focus, with breaking into song and dance in between then back to intense focus suddenly. And when he has some amazing works in progress in his scattered and unplanned out way I sit near…but not in the way. I sing the lyrics to the songs. I smile at the deep warmth in the very deepest places of my chest gazing upon love wearing my apron.
 
Vacation time. Yes, for two weeks, 14 whole days, I need to just…not care as much, not keep up, not worry, not write about it, not end up in hours of researching for it.

Any excuse for tacos​.

Slept in today since I had a day and a half of insane speedy travel and marches and people doing things. It was cool. But I am not 22 anymore.
George, when I sleep in past my new building back to early morning habit, is totally down to snuggle. Then see if I should wake me up by peering at my face, then see what will happen if he slams a paw in my face. Sitting quietly waiting for reaction. Then when I ignore he snuggles down some more for another good while, then he thinks “ok now mom?” I swear to God I DO have a toddler.
This time I am not quick enough to pull the covers over my face and his big assed camel tongue wins and somehow invades my nostrils.
But…no getting up so he snuggles back down. Until he then again wants to know if it’s time to get up and he literally jumps on the bed like a child. I am a good ignorer. He gives up and snuggles some more. Even falls into a snoring nap. And then upon waking apparently puppy bladder sets in and I am not sure how, but I swear puppies know the anatomy of a human well enough to do a full hard STOMP directly on my own bladder with all 100 of his pounds. Just to prove a point of “Mom, I’m a puppy. I’m good. But I’m not that good. So how does it feel?”
 
Past sleeping in and a short hike and a look at my bike thinking “I should, but I’m not.” I sip my coffee while peering …maybe even sneering, from the corner of my eye at my ol’ Alpy. And frankly realizing that my period is like an entire week early. (But YAY I’ll be past the pre-period crankiness when Joe gets home this trip! Isn’t he a lucky guy? Aren’t I an AMAZING partner for doing such a thing for him? Of course, he would say “I really don’t need more convincing that you may be a witch, Peg. And, do you really have that control?” To which I’d reply “I HAVE ALL THE CONTROL!”)
 
The fridge was going to be due for a defrost soon, the woes of RVing and I can’t wait to change this thing out. We have the best as far as RV fridges go, but we have plans for a residential that, yes, can handle the RV all around. Until then this thing hates me, I hate it. It works when it feels like it and not when it doesn’t…which is typically right after a stock up grocery day. I think this fridge is a cat reincarnated. It decided today was the day it needed to defrost. Well, there goes the ham I got on sale because I refused to spend tons of money at Christmas on something I like a good meal of it and then never want again for at least a year. Good thing it had been on sale. George got the turkey I had from the extra Turkey I bought, cooked, shredded and froze for various soup and salad toss-ins and turkey hash breakfasts. He wasn’t mad. And there went those two steaks that I got on some weird odd and rare I need red meat and actually like it moment…which I was over by the time I got home and they went into the freezer and have actually been in there for months so I’m not worried about that waste. George ate well today, the cat even got her share. I didn’t overfeed them so the rest is in the cooler, to spread the meals out, alongside my creamer on ice because God so help me have to deal with this shit first thing in the morning without my coffee.
 
 
So, I figured I’d get on in my day doing some of the things I wanted to accomplish. I gave the inside of the house a quick floor cleaning among other things. Today was cleaning the outside basements of the RV. I have been on a major purge mission as well as scrub and organize. So everything got pulled out of 6 large compartments, most of which I wonder why the hell we have or what it does. Other things I realized we went and bought new when we had them and I usually complain about the space they take but then somehow forgot they existed (light bulbs being one of these things). I made more of a mess before I was anywhere near finished. I am sure in my get rid of it all JUST BURN IT DOWN and start fresh attitude of late that there will be a few regrets by next week…or suddenly and more likely, that one item I’ve hung onto for a year and a half of RVing and have yet to touch will find it’s perfect need and be a must to have to replace.
 
I scrubbed the little concrete patio we have, scrubbed the outdoor rug. Scrubbed the outdoor camping chairs down. Everything back in order and still some daylight so George and I headed for a real hike. He came back more boar in mud than house dog and promptly destroyed my clean patio and jumped on not one but both chairs and chased his tail across the newly cleaned outdoor rug. Fucker. I DO have a toddler. I open the door to go grab something from inside and in jumps 100-pound boar dog beast and now…the newly cleaned floors are that no more. Muddy paw prints across it all. Fucker.
So…it all gets cleaned again. Inside and out. A quick but thorough scrub. Along with the dog getting bathed and sitting to dry a moment while I did the inside.
 
Joe “At least the RV doesn’t ever take long to clean and there isn’t much to do.”
Me “Next time I won’t deep clean before you get home and let you do it all.” I always do a deep clean before he comes home because really on vacation time who wants to? So I take my last few work days of my month and begin winding my work down while I do it all so it’s out of the way. Also, this saves Joe trying to help and doing it all wrong, though we have clean up as we go on vacation. It just allows me to shift from work to vacation as well. After he leaves I do the same thing which allows me to shift from vacation to work mode readiness. But I think I may have made things way too easy for the guy.
 
Now I have an excuse to go grab tacos for dinner since the Fridge is still returning back to cool-off and I need to go to the grocery. And I have my period. And I got a lot done today. But also, I likely would had I no excuse at all.
 
#RVLiving #RV