Because we needed this conversation, yes. But kudo’s to to these men, no. You are an idiot. It was “her fault. She didn’t stop it. Where did she draw her boundaries.” This is why girls don’t know how to handle this shit when it does happen. And when we speak too soon we are lying. If we wait it’s about why we waited. Like the women with Cosby…for fucks good lord people…he was America’s FAMILY MAN, it was also the time and day there were zero laws protecting such things. Nobody would believe them. So on and so forth. I guarantee you out of 50 women, someone told someone who told them not to tell anyone. We know we aren’t safe. We know we will be blamed. This is how YOU raise us when you make excuses for this shit. I carry my gun or knife, currently in the wild, not because of the boars and animals which to fear…but because of the men I might come across!
I guess the same can be said for abusive relationships. Those boundaries weren’t drawn!
The same can be said for the four year old molested by her father/brother/uncles. She allowed it to happen!
I guess the same is said for every woman who ever was sexually harassed in a job. It was her fault!
For every woman raped after going to a bar or party. She asked for it!
For every woman period. She shouldn’t have worn that! Been there! Put herself in that situation! Screamed! Did she yell NO ? Enough? Loud enough? Did he hear it? But did he understand it?!
Dealing with sexual harassment as a young woman has been HARD!
I wasn’t raised knowing how to. In fact I was raised that attention from men was what you wanted! Even from men from whom you didn’t want. OMG you’ve no idea!
I was once told to keep my job I’d have to give a blow job. I DID walk out. But I stood there for several minutes thinking “Did I hear that right? And is he going to laugh because this is a joke right?” To which even still…a joke was wrong, and harassment…yet likely had he ‘laughed for the joke’ I might have laughed it off and kept my job…because what else do you do? That is how women are often raised, taught, and expected to handle these things. And on top of it we are told it’s “locker room”, “Guy talk”, “normal and ok and this is how all guys are.” And now even that you would rather elect a President who admits to it! Is on tape of it! In court for CHILD RAPE. Fucking dumb asses. How are women supposed to “stop it” or “Draw boundaries” in that kind of fucked up universe?
The first time I was ever sent a ‘dick pic’ (by email, not cellphone) I laughed it off as “this is what guys do” because I didn’t even know that NO, it wasn’t what guys do! It wasn’t until my 30’s when receiving a dick pic that I even THOUGHT to respond with “Fuck off. Delete my number asshole” and I deleted and blocked them. Even still, I found myself excusing ‘friends’ at times for ‘maybe being drunk.’ Because that is what I am taught to do.
Years ago women might have been slut shamed or even ‘protected’ and told to not sleep around, ‘keep your legs together’, but it hasn’t been until today that women have begun teaching their daughters “kick them in the groin when they grab you, don’t take that shit. You don’t have to sleep with every guy who wants to sleep with you! Don’t take that! Don’t put up with that! Don’t allow that! Not all mens attention is needed, wanted, or should be invited!” Hell, I sure as hell wasn’t taught that!
Women raised in abusive households are more likely to be abused. Boys raised in them more likely to abuse. Much is learned by example. So if we weren’t led by good example (Trump, Trump generation #3 now) we have to figure it out for ourselves. And some people will find that they have morals and don’t beat up their wives or sexually grab pussies when they want! And some women will learn to tell a man to go to hell…but sometimes they won’t until they themselves become a strong and well learned in life woman! It’s best described as a light bulb that goes off one day. Much for me was from surrounding myself over time with strong women and a LOT of reading that woke me up to how I could be, not how I had to be. I really had to find and stumble upon my own examples of strong women. So when I hear someone blaming some young college girl I especially will fuck you up because I remember how young and vulnerable and badly influenced I was then and dear God I am still learning! Apparently so is America!
I remember how easy it was the first time my husband hit me to seriously think “that didn’t just happen” and again and again make excuses, talk it off, blame myself…before ELEVEN months later I finally figured to stand up for myself and draw my boundary. I actually drew one a couple of months prior. Set my fence. Told him NO. Then he crossed it again and so I left then…no more excuses. But I had to spend MONTHS convincing myself to do so. Some of it for me was even having to then admit I’d gotten into such a thing. And I thought from a set example that I “Would never be that woman” because I knew what it was but rather I became very much so because it was what was taught and for many more years than I’d yet had to unteach myself.
I’ve had two bosses tell me I’d have to give sexual acts to keep my job. I’ve been told in the modeling industry that’s the game. I’ve been shown porn on a computer as I walked into a room (with horses) because “Hey aren’t you into horses?” I, BTW, was a virgin then. I was a quiet little mouse of a girl. I weighed 98 fucking pounds. I was new in a city and in a job and to these people. I had no clue how to respond…so I laughed. They laughed. We all laughed. I didn’t yet know what a boundary was! I didn’t know I could voice an opinion! Hell, I’m not even sure I knew what that opinion was. I just know the feeling I walked away with that made me want to take a shower. I didn’t know that was wrong.
I had another boss speak another language talking about sexual acts with me to other men…and then tell me what he was saying wasn’t that at all even though their laughter and gross smiles creeped me out. One man told me what was said. But I needed a job. What was I supposed to do? I had not been taught about jobs and money well at all. I was afraid to let go of what I had.
This does not go into the many approached in bars, on the streets, even chased down a block being yelled after, cars pulled up, creepy landlords who broke into my house, men who physically tried (and did get the knee), texts, phone calls and men jumping out of bushes. The men in bars, buses, work, wherever who ‘accidentally rubbed their groin against my butt.’ The old gay male boss who randomly told me he took his 16 yr old nieces virginity because she ‘asked him to.’ I can’t even tell you all of them.
I’ve said Fuck Off! I was usually then circled by more of their friends in a creepy dark parking lot. I was told by a boss to not be so sensitive when I reported it…finally…after many times. I was told I was lying and that the guy was “their best client.”
My boundary is drawn. It doesn’t have a sign on the fence post that says “Drunk losers come and hit on me, leer at me, and tell me dirty things. “My dating profile never said “Please send me a picture of your little not very entertaining what am I supposed to do with that? dick.”
My ass did not get in your way.
My boobs sure as hell aren’t big enough to get in your way “accidentally.”
My closed bathroom door in a cabin at a party while changing out of my swimsuit did not mean Come On In!
My crotch did not invite your hand to it!
My boundaries are drawn. I did not need a sign around my neck to tell you this.
I can like an orgasm. Read 50 shades of grey. Date. And even flirt without having to tell you not to cross a line. YOU/THEY should control themselves…not that I should be who draws a boundary.
But I guess in your world, it’s not men like Trump who are the problem, but a woman who “asked for it.” When Trump as President comes and “takes your pussy” just remember that YOU ELECTED him knowing that this was his stance ON YOUR PUSSY and therefor you did not DRAW YOUR BOUNDARIES (please hear my sarcasm through these because, I, am not a dumb shit. #StopSexualAssault #StopRape #StopToleratingRape
Guess I will have to take up much more of a shoot now, ask questions later, stance and in court tell the judge to fuck off because I was drawing my goddamned boundaries, saying NO loud enough the fucker UNDERSTOOD. It’s not my fault he didn’t intend rape, or even full on touch me sexual assault…but maybe just the sexual harassment…but how was I supposed to know how far he would push HIS boundary before I set up mine? Is it my fault he didn’t SEE my boundary that said “Don’t be an asshole?” Am I to blame because there isn’t a fence built around me? Maybe I just shouldn’t go n public.
And how can I DARE be appalled at a person like Trump or call myself a Feminist because I went to a Modanna concert?
How a man should be.
The Makings Of A Whore.
What I Was Doing When I was Called a Slut.
The people to call me a slut to my face. My mother the 1st time. My boss. My ex-husband. Those are the only time’s I’ve heard this word. Now cunt…heard that a lot more.
How a young girl is approached. What to do?
How do we reply?
When the table turns.
Are young girls supposed to have boundaries with their fathers?
The America of Brock Turner.
It was what she was wearing.
Blaming the Victim. Facts. Rape Culture.
The America of Rape.
The America of Trump Rape Culture.
“Kudos to Donald Trump for raising the conversation. Regardless of the election results this year, he is the reason we are all talking about this.” A quote I read today in regards to Anti-Hillary and pro-Trump and his sexual assault.
So…Kudo’s to Brock Turner for the rape conversation America had this year?